In my 44 years of life, I never thought I would live through an actual pandemic. Those were the things of dystopian stories or our history. Never in this modern day world I thought it would be part of my life. These have been weird times. Last summer I had 11 shows planned for the summer. 3 DMB shows alone. All were either cancelled or rescheduled. As this last year and half wore on, I started to realize a lot of things. Things I have noticed but blew off.
Pushed out of my mind.
But when you are now stuck in the same place with the same people for an extended time, those things become more evident. It brought to attention just how much distance had really come between me and my husband. I kept writing it off as he was busy, overwhelmed, stressed. But by the end of this past year I realized it was more than that. I believe he was with me because he was use to me, not so much out of love anymore. I had felt that way for awhile but blew it off.
Blew it off.
I no longer felt valued or respected. No longer felt loved. And it was the little things that began to tell me that on top of the big things. No matter what I have said to him in our years together about how I felt it would get dismissed. And then one day toward the end of summer, my almost 13 year old son said to my husband, “I don’t think you love mom!” My husband replied “why would you say that?” . My sons answer? “Well you don‘t hug her or kiss her or flirt with her the way she does to you. You never do those things to her.” . My heart ripped to pieces. I was in shock. My son is now noticing these things. Things I have noted and complained of. And even more shocking? I was accused of making my son say those
things. I can assure you I did not and never would do such a thing. Even with my son claiming what he saw and felt, nothing improved. That is when I decided I needed to end it. But I had a hard time doing so. And as some people do, I went about it the wrong way completely. With all that said, I am now separated and co-parenting. And I often feel like i lost my way. And I keep wishing that I could find solace.
Skip forward through all the hard stuff.
I keep wishing I was at a live show. I keep wishing I could be at a DMB live show and find that solace i would always find being at their shows. I always feel renewed when I see them play. Yes Dave’s live shows on Sirius are amazing and I appreciate them more than I can say. But nothing compares to being there. Feeling the vibration of Carter and Stefan instruments beneath your feet and the goosebumps on your skin! Hearing Dave’s sweet voice. Seeing the dark star-filled sky above your head. Smelling the fresh air (or weed filled air depending on where you’re standing) Tasting the alcohol on your tongue. Surrounded by people who you may not know but they get you. In this moment in time, you are more connected to a group of strangers than any other moment in your life.
These people get you.
In this moment surrounded by all that energy , you remember what it is like to feel alive. Sometimes when we are overwhelmed, we forget to live in the moment. Worried about the future, upset about the past, we forget to live in the moment. And being at a live DMB show, I always feel exactly in the moment and I appreciate what an amazing moment that is... in all of space and time, I get to live during a time that DMB exists as well.
How lucky are we!? I’d say:
“So Damn Lucky”!